“AaaaBaaa-Shuuuu!” I swing her up in the air on the “Aaabaaa….” then pause and let her drop on the “Shuuu!” She squeals with laughter as she falls and then is caught in my arms. We have been playing this little game for a long time. Grace knows it well. She starts to smile during the pause just after the “Aaaabaaa,” waiting with anticipation for what I can only imagine is the equivalent of a roller-coaster tummy-flip for a toddler. Giggling she squeals in delight on the downward swing “Shuuuuuu!” Grace loves this game. She has no fear of me dropping her or letting go. She is safe in my arms… but how long will she enjoy this game?

When do we start to fear the dropping and falling sensation? I have a distinct memory of playing the same sort of thing with one of my nephews… until about three years of age. When he was three years old I picked him up and did the drop. He had a look of terror on his face, a delayed shock from the tummy-flip… and then he began to wail! Oh-Jeeze! It took what seemed like ages before he was consoled, and an eternity before he trusted enough to come near me again, let alone sit in my arms! I had never actually lost any hold of him. He had not fallen or been hurt in any way… but the drop had frightened him, and even though no harm had come to him— I had lost his trust.

And then I think about us… well me. When did I stop liking the tummy-flip? I used to be a roller-coaster junky! I lived for the “big drop”, the heart-racing fun of the building anxiety as the coaster-car slowly climbed the hill, tick-tick-tick-tick of the gears… and then the exhilarating scream, the tummy up in your throat, the wind rushing at your face on the climactic plunge.
And then I got old(er) 🙂 and the big drop was a big nightmare. I didn’t like heights so much, or the rush of adrenaline pumping through my veins. I liked the safety of two feet firmly planted on solid ground. When did this happen? How? Why? Is it just me? Why did I like it so much before? Why does Gracie like it now? Will she in three years??? 10 years??? 40 years??? Hmmmm….

It is this child-like, innocent trust I think, that we tend to lose as we mature. The more conscious we are of the “danger,” the more we allow our minds to count up all the costs or possibilities; the less likely we become willing to take risks, the more we play it safe, and the less we trust that we will be caught. None of us likes to free-fall in real life. We like to be in control of our lives, our circumstances- but who are we fooling? To what degree do we really have control and security over anything? Jobs are lost, homes go into foreclosure, stock markets crash, vehicles wreck on the interstate every day, people we love fall ill, people we love die, and opportunities for adventure are passed over for the sake of “security.” But really where is our security? Of what can we be truly sure? Why do we choose comfort and safety when this roller-coaster ride of a life we are in is supposed to be a real adventure?

I love the lyrics from the News Boys song- Stay Strong that says: “Did you forget whos trip you’re on?” Many times in my own life I have found myself in the “free fall.” Sometimes I have even willingly taken the plunge off the edge- rushing into the thing I feared the most- and where have I always found myself?: Safely in the arms of the Lord. Yet, every time I realize I am not in control, I have the potential to become arrested with fear. How can I get back to that childlike innocence? I want to be like Gracie- living in a rush of delight with the adrenaline of the fall—no matter how horrifying that fall might seem in the eyes of “convention”—I want to feel the rush of excitement with that child-like innocence, knowing the strong arms of the Lord will catch me every time.